Life Has It’s Struggles
by Mythology
Summary: Something happens which changes Lily's life and turns her world upside down. She is having a hard time coping. Will she ever pull through it. Read and find out.


I have reposted this short story after going through and fixing up the spelling and grammatical errors. Hopefully I have gotten them all. It's a short story, meaning this is the first and only chapter. As always I appreciate any criticism, comments or questions.

This story also has no relation to The Previous Generation. Well thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: All of the recognizable characters in this story are property of J.K. Rowling. The plot is mine and so are the characters Artemis West, Ivory Greenly and any other unknown characters.

Life Has It's Struggles

"Long time no see eh?" James Potter asked the girl of his dreams as they embraced. It had been at least a month since the last time they had seen each other and that made their reunion all the more emotional.

"Yeah, but I had to go. I had really no choice in the matter." Lily Evans, a girl with dark red mid-length hair and unforgettable emerald green eyes mumbled into the shoulder of her six-foot tall boyfriend.

James could feel the small-thin-fragile girl shutter as she began to cry. A lot had happened between them within the past year. They had finally gotten together and had been happily dating for almost six months. But no matter how happy Lily had been when she was with James did not have enough of an affect to make her happy when she was not with him.

James probably one of the only things in her life besides Artemis, Ivory and the rest of the marauders, Lily felt had not changed or spun out of control. The past few years had been the toughest for her.

She had been dealing with certain issues in her life since before she could remember, however, she always seemed to be in control of everything and had the ability not to let things affect her. That was up until she began her fifth year of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Looking back at it now, Lily had no idea where she had gotten the strength to make it through without going crazy but somehow she did.

The beginning of her fifth year started out normally. She was a happy healthy teenage girl. Like many other girls her age, she thought about boys, schoolwork, friends but something else was plaguing her. Something she was scared of and at the same time it intrigued her.

September and October were filled with the same routine Lily had been through during her first four years at Hogwarts. She had the same classes with her two best friends and the marauders who she did not like at that particular time of her assorted past, the same teachers and the same Headmaster. She slept in the same bed talked to the same people and sent letters to her beloved parents every Saturday using the same snowy owl (which belonged to the school) diamond. She loved the unchanging atmosphere she was living in. The only minor changes to her life were her becoming one of the school Prefects and the OWL's (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) she would have to face at the end of her fifth year. But things can change within a blink of an eye.

In November of that same year is when Lily's familiar life began to crumble around her and everything she had control of was falling apart. She had being insecure about herself since she had hit puberty but it had never affected her as badly as it did now.

On the fatal morning of November 12th, eleven days before her fifteenth birthday, Lily received news from a Ministry owl that her parents had been found murdered at her home in London.

She had read the letter over at least twenty times before realizing the truth:

_Dear Miss Evans, _

_We sadly regret to inform you, that your parents, Michelle Rose Evans and Fredrick Michael Evans, were found dead yesterday morning in their home in London. They were found by a neighbour who had heard a racket and went to investigate. _

_We have determined, after our own investigation that it was done by a wand. They were murdered with the Killing Curse. At this time we have no leads but we will inform you the moment we find out anything._

_Also your sister Petunia Sarah Evans was not present the night of the murder and was found safe and sound at a friend's house. _

_Again we are sorry for your loss._

_Sincerely Gladuis McRoyal, Head of Unfortunate and Regrettable News Department._

Lily held the letter in her shaking hands; tears were falling from her eyes as she stared at the now tattered and slightly wet piece of parchment.

"Lily, are you alright?" She heard voices around her ask but they only response she gave to any of them was a quick exit.

She was never the same after reading that letter. Her friends desperately tried to get through to her and comfort her over the next few weeks. But she fell into a depression and spent all of her free-time buried in her schoolwork or any kind of work she could find. Her friends continued to watch Lily who was happy and carefree disappear into someone else. They had no idea how to help her.

Eventually, after two months of feeling nothing but sadness Lily began to return to her normal self. Her friends were relied. They thought Lily's problems were finally coming to an end, yet they were in way, only beginning.

Lily was sick of being sad all the time and watching everyone around her suffer because of her '_selfish'_ behaviour. They had all been so supportive of her but they deserved better than to watch her continue spiraling down an uncontrollable path. She needed to have control in her life. Lily felt it was the only way to bring back any happiness.

Once again the insecurities she felt before started to resurface and this time she gave into them. When she looked in the mirror at herself, she did not see what everyone else saw which was an already thin but healthy looking girl. Instead she saw a girl she did not like and wanted desperately to change.

As the winter months of her fifth year turned into spring and the OWL's neared, she along with all the other fifth year students spent most of their free time studying. Most of the other students cared only to make a decent grade while Lily was determined to accept nothing but perfect grades. She wanted to prove to herself she could complete any goal she set no matter what consequences she faced.

The closer the OWL's came the more revisions Lily did. She stayed up until the wee hours of the night studying and finishing whatever homework she had. She became obsessed with her schoolwork and rarely did anything else other than that. Sometimes her friends had to force her to eat and sleep which was very difficult. Lily was very stubborn.

Aside from having to deal with her nagging friends and the pressure she put on herself about her schoolwork, she also had to deal with the constant annoyance she received from the marauders. They never left her alone and sometimes Lily got the urge to kick some of them, mostly James Potter and Sirius Black, in the nuts hoping she would cause them so much pain and taking away their ability to reproduce, (her feelings would change in the future).

Finally the OWL's came and went and when Lily got the test results back she was very disappointed with them. Although the teachers, Headmaster and her friends congratulated her on her high test scores, she wanted to curl up in ball and cry. She managed to get the highest score in her year with the acceptation of James Potter who had gotten the same number of OWL's as she did. She had not gotten a perfect score and managed to tie with her enemy.

She felt like everything she had worked so hard for was a waste of time and no matter what she did, she would never achieve perfection. Lily felt angry and worthless and this was a dangerous combination.

When Lily's fifth year ended, she went to spend the summer with her grandparents and sister in Southampton. During her summer vacation Lily spent most of her time reading in her room and going for early morning jogs. Lily rarely ate meals with her family but there was nothing her grandparents could do to convince her to eat with them. They thought it was her way of grieving and tried to give her as much space as possible.

By August Lily had found a local gym which she had joined and spent many hours working out on the equipment. Her new obsession for the summer had become her weight.

When she left Hogwarts she had weighted around 115 pounds but she was tall, standing at five-feet-nine-inches and it was a normal weight for her age and height. As Lily returned to Hogwarts her eating habits had all but diminished and she weighted no more than 105 pounds.

"Have you lost weight Lily?" Artemis asked her when she first saw her on the train. They were returning to Hogwarts for their sixth year.

"Yeah I guess," Lily answered shortly avoiding eye contact. Artemis found this behaviour to be weird but then again Lily had not been the same since her parent's death.

Her first week of classes all Lily heard was people noticing her quick weight loss. She was complimented on it by many. Some girls she knew even asked what her secret was. Lily would say nothing and continue with her work or on her way down a corridor.

She desperately tried to hide the fact she wasn't eating. She would grab a small amount of food and put it on her plate at meals and either hide food in her napkin when no one was looking or just move the food around to make it look like she had eaten.

She even started getting up early every morning to take a jog around the lake before breakfast and she would do it again after dinner. People were suspicious of her behaviour but no one questioned it.

One morning while she was out jogging, she got the distinct feeling that someone was following her. She stopped and turned around but found nothing. She shook the thought and feeling out of her head and continued on her way. No more than ten minutes later the same feeling began to creep up again. She looked behind a second time. However, she found nothing amiss. This time though she looked up at the sky only to find James Potter hovering feet above her on his expensive Quidditch broom.

"Are you following?" The red headed girl demanded angrily putting her hands on her bony hips.

"It depends," James teased.

"Depends on what?" Lily demanded again.

"Depends on if you want me to follow you or not," the black haired boy with messy hair, hazel eyes hidden behind thin wire frames and a toned body most girls adored.

"Well I don't," Lily retorted then continuing with her jog. James instead of following behind her was now flying in front of her.

"Go away," Lily demanded.

"No, I'm enjoying the view." James answered smartly.

"Well go find another," Lily said.

"Nah," was his reply.

"Fine I'll go," Lily let out a frustrated sigh then ran up to the school as quickly as possible. James snickered to himself and flew back to the Quidditch pitch.

As the months of Lily's sixth year passed she began to find James and the rest of the marauder's presence bearable. She did not know why but at least the weekly arguments between her and James had stopped. However, this did not affect her new obsession at all.

She still could not see what everyone else was seeing. While everyone around Lily saw her as a very skinny almost unhealthy looking girl, she saw herself as fat. It got to the point where she avoided looking at herself in the mirror. By the time December arrived Lily had managed to drop another fifteen pounds. She now weighted only 90 pounds but that still was not good enough. Lily was determined to get her weight down to 85 lbs hoping it would bring her the happiness she had long forgotten.

On the outside she appeared normal, on the inside she felt like she was falling down a never ending hole. It did not matter how much control she had managed to gain from her schoolwork or weight, it was never enough.

The rest of her sixth year passed by so fast it all seemed like a blur. Before Lily knew it exams were only a week away and she had spent the last month isolated in the Gryffindor sixth year girl's dormitory studying. This year she would have perfect scores on her exams or else.

After Lily was finished with her exams and gotten the results back, she was actually pleased to learn all her studying paid off. She had at last achieved some form of perfection and this year James was a few points behind her rather than tied with her.

For the first time in a year-and-a-half Lily felt true happiness. She was proud of herself and as a reward she allowed herself a two week break from the life she was now use to. A break which she truly needed.

Yet the break lasted longer than what Lily expected but for a while it felt good for her not to care. During the summer, her family along with her two best friends and the marauders who had become very close to her were happy to see the return of the old Lily.

Lily was happy to fall back into her old life. She started eating more frequently and she only exercised once a day instead of five. Lily managed to gain twenty pounds bring her back up to 105 without even caring. Lily even decided to give her rival a chance and they started to date. Lily's happiest moments were spent with James.

However, this newfound happiness did not last long either. Shortly after her seventh and final year at Hogwarts began, Lily fell back into habit. She was back to eating barely anything, working out every chance she got (most of the time asking her boyfriend to join her) and studying. The only difference from the previous years, Lily spent more time with her friends and boyfriend.

As the months went on and even though Lily continued to put on the happy façade, the people closest to her knew something was wrong. Especially since she had dropped the twenty pounds she gained over summer and had lost an addition ten making her now 75 lbs. When James hugged her or held her he could feel every bone in her ribcage and this scared him.

While Lily was in the library studying one night, her friends had a meeting in the boy's dorm.

"I think we should get Lily some help. Tell McGonagall or even Dumbledore. Her behaviour is not normal." Artemis announced she could not help but let her tears fall. Both she and Ivory were crying while Remus and Sirius comforted them.

"Yeah but if Lily doesn't want the help then it'll be no good." James stated dragging his hand through his already messy hair.

"So what do we do?" Ivory asked wiping away some of her tears.

"Talk to her," James said the other five looked at him in shock and he knew he was the one who had to do it. "I'll do it."

Later that night when Lily returned to the Head dorm after her study session in the library, James confronted her.

"I DON'T NEED HELP FROM YOU OR ANYONE ELSE," Lily yelled at him and denying she had a problem.

"Lily, look at you." James said dragging the fragile girl to the full length mirror in her room. Lily refused to look at herself.

"I don't want to," she said calmly with tears falling from her eyes. She was so scared to look in the mirror. She knew she was fat _why didn't James or anyone else see it._

"You have to," James pleaded with his girlfriend and turned her head by force so she could look. Lily had no choice but to comply with his wishes. He was stronger than her and she did not have the strength to fight him. "Look," he repeated.

As much as she struggled against him finally she looked at herself. The image she saw reminded her of a pig. She looked to be about two-hundred pounds.

Lily stood there looking at her fat image in the mirror tears were rolling down her cheeks. She did not know what to do. She wanted to run and hide but her feet were rooted to the ground. Finally she turned away and grabbed on to James and wanted nothing more than to be held which James happily did.

"Do you want to go talk to Dumbledore?" James asked gently. Lily nodded her head yes but did not look up at him. After several minutes of standing there holding his beloved girlfriend, James walked with her to Dumbledore's office and stayed with her as she asked the Headmaster for help. That same day the Headmaster and Matron Madame Pomfrey admitted Lily to St Mungo's eating disorder clinic.

The red head who had been suffering for so long was finally getting the long-awaited help she needed. She said goodbye to all of her friends and thanked them for helping her. When it was James' turn she gave him the longest hug and passionate kiss she had ever given him. "That's to remember me while I'm gone." Lily whispered in his ear then backed away.

"It's time to go Lily," Dumbledore announced his blue eyes twinkling at the heartfelt goodbye. Lily nodded and waved a final goodbye to her friends and boyfriend, grabbed a handful of floo powder and disappeared through the fireplace in Dumbledore's office.

"Cheer up she will be back in a month," Dumbledore whispered and he too disappeared through the fireplace.

The six Gryffindor seventh years solemnly walked back to their tower getting ready to wait for the long month to pass until they could see their friend again. It started off slow. Their moping around did not help the time pass any faster. But eventually after the first few days it sped up. And before they knew it, the day of Lily's return had arrived.

They all patiently waited in the Headmaster's office hoping to see their Lily come back and not for just a short while but for good. When Lily finally appeared through the fireplace where she had left, her friends were all amazed at the way she looked. She had gained another twenty pounds and looked a lot healthier.

"Miss me," Lily shyly asked then smiled. Artemis and Ivory were the first to hug her and the trio of girls shared an emotional hello. Next Sirius, Remus and Peter gave her a tight hug and a pat on the back welcoming her back.

"Well?" Lily said as she stood in front of her boyfriend.

James smiled at her and she smiled back. "Long time no see eh?" he asked the girl of his dreams as they embraced.

"Yeah, but I had to go. I had really no choice in the matter." Lily mumbled into his shoulder.

"I know." James said. "And I'm glad you did." Her experience and support from her friends was just what she needed to help her. Finally she was able to accept her life for what it was whether she had constant control or not. Everything was returning to normal.

I have a lot of the seventh chapter of The Previous Generation and hope to get it up as soon as possible.

© By Mythology, July 20, 2004

Reposted by Mythology, September 12, 2004


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